Author’s Reflection

“Antidepressant”

“Antidepressant” was written from the truth that I cannot always be the smile that keeps everybody else okay. For a long time, I have carried pain behind my eyes while still trying to make everyone around me feel comfortable, loved, and happy. I learned how to smile through the hurt, laugh when I was breaking, and become the light in the room even when I was drowning in the dark.

This song is about realizing that I cannot be everyone’s antidepressant. I cannot keep sacrificing my peace just to make sure nobody else feels uncomfortable with my sadness. Sometimes people get used to the version of you that performs happiness, and they forget to ask if that happiness is real.

Writing this song was my way of saying I am tired. Tired of pretending. Tired of being strong for everybody else. Tired of hiding the storm inside me just so other people do not have to feel the rain. My smile has been used like medicine for others, but nobody ever asked what it cost me to keep giving it away.

“Antidepressant” is not about giving up on people. It is about finally choosing not to abandon myself. It is about understanding that my pain deserves a voice too. I can love people, support people, and care for people, but I cannot keep bleeding quietly just to keep them smiling.

This song is for anyone who has ever been the funny one, the strong one, the peaceful one, or the one who always says, “I’m fine,” when they are anything but fine. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is stop performing happiness and admit that you need healing too.

— FreeSpirit